Norwegian "politeness"

One thing you would notice very quickly about Norwegians is that we are not overly polite or correct. We may forget to say please after every single thing we say, and we don't even say "enjoy" to our fellow diners before we dig into our plates. We do not always hold the door open for the next person, and the use of the polite form of "you" (Sie in German or vous in French), is a definite no-no, even though it does exist.

The thing with Norwegians and manners is not that we do not have any - which you might be forgiven for thinking sometimes - but that they are somewhat different than outside of Norway or Scandinavia.

To me, it seems as we do not care too much about correctness in our ways (like using the correct title or the polite forms) when we interact with people. The Norwegian "politeness" lies more in being friendly with people than in correctness. To me, there is nothing ruder than people being very correct and at the same time very unfriendly, like Germans telling you off in very correct language, or a Frenchman telling you to kiss his ass and at the same time being sure to use the polite vous-form (although I admit there is a certain elegance to that last one).

My girlfriend is learning some Norwegian at the time, and the other day she wanted to ask me in Norwegian to bring her an apple from the kitchen. But she could figure out how to say "please" at the end, so she asked me; "how do you say 'please' in Norwegian?" "You don't!", I said, without really thinking much about what I said, and she broke out in laughter. The way I said it might have sounded as if "please" was the worst you could have said. But it is true - we don't really say please that much. When you ask somebody something in the form of "can you...", that is already polite enough, and the "please" wouldn't be necessary. It would just sound ridiculous. The next day we went over to a couple we know (the girl is Norwegian). Just to check out if it is just me being particularly unmannered or not, we asked her what she would say in that situation. My girlfriend asked her, "wouldn't you say 'please' then?" "No! Do you want me to beg, or what?", she said..

Actually, in that situation, it would be less polite to say "bring me an apple, please" than just "can you bring me an apple?" I think it's got something to do with the phrase being formed as a question that gives you a choice, and not as a command. If someone were telling me to do something in Norwegian, I would be far less tempted to do that than if they had asked me to do it. And with a smile on top of that again, how could I not?